Parenting Off The Grid

Assisted Living for Kids. Part II. How It Works.

19 Apr 2010 1 Comment

by Martha James Hartney in Living In Community Tags: conscious parenting, Intentional community, Living In Community, parenting

First Kickball Game of the Season

Of the nine adults here, we each will have our own observations on how it works but we agree that it does work, and that it has some amazing advantages as well as challenges. So I’ll just go on ahead and describe how I think it works and how we get through the challenges.

1. We value each other and each child as whole beings with a lot to offer the world and each other.
2. We each contribute according to what gifts we have—time, talent, and treasure.
3. We try to stay neutral when something is out of balance and talk it over.
4. We allow for emotions to come and go.
5. We cook together.
6. We eat together.
7. We help each other’s children when a parent is unable to help either because the child has triggered an emotion in the parent or because they’re simply not at home.
8. We care about each child, recognizing that we’ll always love our own best but can be powerful guides for the other children.
9. We don’t discipline each other’s children, but we do set limits on bad behavior.
10. We talk over difficulties using non-violent communication methods.
11. We accept each other’s flaws and cheer on each other’s magnificence.
12. We’re all pretty liberal and have similar political and spiritual belief structures.
13. Our physical relationships are not fluid. They’re committed and monogamous. But there are only two couples here, me and Timothy, and Alexis and Dave. Everyone else is single but “free love” is not the name of the game.
14. We laugh a lot.
15. We celebrate the good things in life a lot.
16. We cook bacon every morning. Bacon really does make everything better.

For a single person, and single women in particular, living in community offers a way to tackle life fully supported and with your eyes wide open. By having other people at your side to encourage you, to challenge you, to open you, and to care for you, life takes on many facets that would be unseen without the brilliant light of community shining through.

The abundance that I feel in this space full of loved ones is profound. I come home from a long day at school, and my love is in the kitchen making one of his wonderful meals (gluten- and dairy-free for me!), the fire is lit in the fireplace, my children are playing or doing homework, my friend is sitting at the table sipping tea and working on homework with her son. Life is good.

The picture isn’t always perfect. One kid may be arguing with another, the laundry may still need to be done. A child may have broken a precious picture frame. Dinner may be an hour late. But being with people I like, with all our basic needs met, food, shelter, clothing, I am able to be there fully present and alive.

Next Up. How to Build Your Own Intentional Community and How to Manage Finances and Logistics.